The Right Tightness
“It’s just not sounding right.”
The rocker got out of the room, sending a sharp feedback noise into the operator’s headphones. He was forced to take them off.
“Jamie, I’ve told you to not open…” he started, but he was cut off.
“It’s not right. It just doesn’t sound like a scream.”
“Yeah, I get that, Jamie, but you’ve been screaming into the mic for, like, two hours now, and I…”
“I’d just like to get the correct just-a-potion, you know what I mean, right?”
“It’s pronounced juxtaposition, but…”
“I mean, I wish we could get something more primal, something more anxious but at the same time more comfortable in its masculinity.”
“That’s great, Jamie…”
“Let me try again.”
The rocker returned into the room, slamming it shut behind him. He gave an unholy shout into the mic.
“Uh, Jamie?”
The rocker rushed out of the studio.
“Did you hear that, man? Did you hear it? That was it, or as close as I can do right now!”
“I’m happy, Jamie, but I didn’t have enough time to get it.”
“You didn’t record it?”
“No, Jamie, I…”
“Oh, c’mon, dude, I screamed my entire effin’ soul in it! It had my whole in-your-face attitude but without any of the I’mma-stab-you attitude, you know what I mean?”
“That’s great, Jamie, but I didn’t record it.”
“Oh, man, that was it!”
“Can’t you just do it again? Just how it was. I promise I’ll record it this time.”
“I dunno, man. It was a one-time only thing, man.”
The rocker still returned into the studio, and he gave another howl.
“That’s good, Jamie.”
When he got out, the rocker did not seem satisfied.
“It wasn’t good as the other one.”
“What was wrong with that?” the operator said, trying to conceal his frustration, and failing.
“It’s just not the right kind of scream, you know what I mean? It’s haughty, but not humble. It’s got some pierce in it, but no oomph.”
“I don’t…”
“Can you play it again for me?”
The operator complied.
“Again.”
The scream echoed once more.
“Again.”
The howl’s noise filled the studio.
“One last time.”
The operator pressed the button.
“Yes. Yes. Yes! That!”
“What?”
“That!”
“I don’t know… I can’t…”
“Exactly! You can’t hear that because it’s not there! It’s the pizzazz, the je-neigh-says-quack!”
“That’s not even…”
It was in that moment that the producer entered the studio.
“Hey, Jamie, my man, how’s it going.”
“Like, completely, dude, like, whoa.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear that. Listen, didn’t you guys…”
“Yes, boss, we finished recording and mixing the whole album here, but Jamie…”
“The fifth track, dude, it just needs an extra scream, at the end, you know what I mean?”
“Yeah, and so, boss, we’ve been here two hours trying to the perfect scream out of this, even though everyone else has already left.”
The producer gave a sigh.
“Listen, Jamie…”
“No, wait, I’ve got it! I’ve got it! What if you mixed the high-pitch, like, even higher!”
“That’s not even…”
“Just do what I say!” the rocker said, rushing back into the studio.
“Just do what he says,” the producer echoed him with a sigh.
“That’s not even a thing,” the operator tried to complain, but the rocker had already started shouting into the microphone. The producer just gave him a sympathetic look.
At a loss for choice, the operator just pressed the rec button. The rocker ran out.
“Did you get that one?”
“Yeah, I did, but…”
“It was rubbish!”
“What?”
“Like, bullshit, man, it was so freecrunching, and false.”
“That’s not…”
It was the producer to cut him off this time.
“Hey, Jamie, listen to me. Look, I’m really glad you’re, like, super-dedicated to the craft, but it costs us, like, a few grand every hour we’re in here…”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel you man, but, if you get me, it’s like, I’ve got to get this scream off of me, you know what I mean? It’s got to be blowing and sucking at the same time, not in the bad sense, of course, you know what I mean, just in the sense of music, of the rhythm. I’m, like, so close to get the right tightness in there, I’ve got it before. Hold on,” he said as he ran back into the studio.
“Goddamn it,” the producer let out, looking at the rocker almost fellate the microphone.
“It’s been like this for hours, boss,” the operator commented.
“Just get the X protocol running.”
“The X protocol?”
“The X protocol.”
With a nod, the operator got the axe from out of the cupboard.
The producer spoke into the reporter’s microphone.
You know, it’s just a shame that talented artists like Jamie Roxx have to be taken away from us so soon. He truly believed in his sex, drugs and rock & roll lifestyle, all the way to his tragic demise in his car crash. But we mustn’t let this taint our memory of a great musician. If anything, we ought to be glad for the art he’s given us before succumbing to such a terrible end. The best way to honor his memory would be to take his posthumous album to the top of the chart, a labor of love that truly exemplifies his dedication to the craft. Take the fifth track: can’t you just feel the pizzazz in his scream, his tightness? It’s the most genuine scream we’ve ever recorded, my word…”
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